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23rd-Mar-2010 09:41 am - Medusa's Big Hair

I didn't know Medusa was a Bumpit fan.
She must be wearing an entire set.

30th-Apr-2009 10:22 pm - Psylocke's Boobs = Kwannon's Boobs?
In recent issues of Uncanny X-Men, Psylocke's mind was transferred back into her original non-Asian body.  But apparently her Asian body and her original body had the exact same sized boobs!

I actually think a more realistic explanation is that Greg Land got lazy again and just traced the photos of two porn stars with the same sized boobs.

9th-Dec-2008 07:48 am - How to Make Comics - The First Page
Your first page should be eye-catching.  It should get a reader's attention and compel him to read more.

Here's a good example from Legion Lost #9:

Notice how you can't even see her face (which might've been distracting).


 Ben: I didn't buy Legion of 3 Worlds

  I almost did

   but I flipped through it and didn't know who anyone was, so I didn't want to spend $4 on that risk

 Albert: you don't know who Superboy Prime is?

 Ben: obviously I know who he is

  I meant the other characters

  they're all just random legion characters from who knows where

 Albert: it's explained

  not that I think you'll like it

  but you know

 Ben: for $4, I was not so confident that it would be explained

  or that I'd like it once explained

 Albert: yeah I think that's the bigger issue

  I'm not even sure why you would consider buying




en: b/c everyone's jerking off to it

 Albert: only DC fans

 Ben: so what?

  I like some DC

  I'd like to like more

  I read Action Comics, the first DC comic ever!

 Albert: no, I'm kidding

  you're a DC fan

  you've probably read more DC comics than I have



en: I don't knowabout that

 Albert: yeah?

  let's count

 Ben: though, I did read every issue of PAD's Supergirl

 Albert: OK...

 Ben: that's 75 for me

 Albert: I've read 17,612

  how about you

 Ben: probably like 100 or something?

  oh, there was Young Justice

  how many issues was that?

 Albert: WTF

 Ben: and Starman

 Albert: you've read more DC comics than Supergirl and Young Justice

 Ben: I've read a lot of Flash comics

  what else...

 Albert: you've read a lot of Batman comics

 Ben: no

 Albert: and Gotham Central

 Ben: Robin and Nightwing

 Albert: yes you have

 Ben: I've read a lot of those

  but not Batman -proper

 Albert: you have lots of Batman trades

 Ben: thsoe are just for show!

  ok, I have read those

 Albert: you've read Superman too

 Ben: so we're up to 544 now

 Albert: like during the Loeb/McGuinness era

 Ben: yeah, I did read all those trades

 Albert: or the Joe Kelly Superman


 Ben: ok, so 712

  still far short of your number

 Albert: don't forget about Gotham Central

 Ben: 745

 Albert: and all the Infinite Crisis lead in miniseries

 Ben: 12,554

  oh, and 52!


 Albert: haha

 Ben: 13,006

 Albert: did you read the Joe Kelly JLA run

 Ben: no

 Albert: you read some of Morrison JLA

  but you didn't like it

  JSA, you've read tons of JSA

 Ben: 13,054

 Albert: Stars and Stripe

 Ben:   13,068

  oh, those old JLI issues!


 Albert: yep

 Ben: though, I haven't read through all of them yet

 Albert: still

 Ben: 14,538

 Albert: and you read Booster Gold currently

  and Green Lantern Sinestro Corps War stuff

  and I think you read Green Lantern rebirth

 Ben: 14,552

  the sinestro corpse war I downloaded

  does that count?

 Albert: you still read it


  we're talking about reading

 Ben: ok

 Albert: not buying

 Ben: one of the first comics i bought in 1992 was a batman issue with killer croc in it

  so that's one more

 Albert: have you read the Dark Knight Returns

 Ben: yes

  and the sequel

 Albert: k

 Year One?


 Ben: but I already counted those

  I did read year one twice, though...

 Albert: Crisis?

 Ben: yep

 Albert: Mark Waid JLA?



  that counts

 Ben: I don't think we should count vertigo

  opens a whole can of worms

 I did read those old Alan Moore Swamp Thing comics that were pre-Vertigo

 Albert: sandman was pre-Vertigo

  except for at the very end

 Ben: ok, I'll count that first trade

 Albert: so, y'know

 Ben: and the second b/c it had Dr. Destiny

  but that's it

 Albert: Daniel was in JLA


Ben: we're up to 15, 672

 Albert: and Lyta Hall has been in a ton of DCU comics!

 Ben: don't care, I'm not counting it

 Albert: the ninth trade should count too

  is all I'm saying

 Ben: it's a gray area, so I'm making a judgment call

 Albert: hmph

 Ben: you need to find 2, 000 more comics or else YOU will be the DC expert

 Albert: wait wait I miscounted

 Ben: what?!

 Albert: I counted all of my DC/Marvel crossovers as 1

  when they should have been .5


 Albert: so my real number is 15,671!!!

  holy shit!

 Ben: dammit!

 Albert: YOU LOVE DC

 Ben:  *shame*

 Albert: haha

  good bit

  post it on the site

Ben: you

Albert: no

Ben: do it!

The Spectacular Spider-Man cartoon on KidsWB
by a bunch of guys that apparently never read a Spider-Man comic in their lives!!!

Reviewer:  A. Dolt - He's, like, in his 40s

Peter and the supporting cast:  Peter looks okay except he has this weird mole or whatever next to his left eye.  He doesn't have one of those in the comics.  Aunt May looks Asian, but she's not supposed to be Asian!  Liz Allen looks all Hispanic or Laotian, but she's not supposed to be either!  And Flash looks too big.  He's not the Hulk.  Everyone's got these gigantic saucer eyes like their on acid or something!  Only Harry has done acid.  It makes no sense that the other character should have saucer eyes, too.  Harry's voice sounds stupid and is too high-pitched.  Gwen has glasses?  She shouldn't have glasses.  And why is she and Harry going to Midtown High?  They don't meet Peter until he goes to college!  Also, Gwen wasn't shown fucking Norman Osborn at all!  Not even once in the entire hour!

Curt Connors has a robot arm?  No way!  He has a missing arm!  That's why he turns into the Lizard -- because he's trying to make a new arm.  If he already has a robot arm he should be totally content to live as a freak with a robot arm.  It makes no sense.  And why does Eddie Brock work for Connors?  And why is he already friends with Peter?  He shouldn't know Peter until he becomes Venom and all of that is after he's a reporter for the Daily Globe.  Then they show Connors' wife as a scientist, too?  She's a housewife, not a scientist. 

Then they show the Bugle.  JJJ has a soul patch or something on his chin?  He's just supposed to have the hair on the upper lip.  JJJ lists a bunch of guys that work there and one of them is Lee.  I don't remember a reporter named Lee from the comics.  If they're trying to refer to Stan Lee, that's dumb because Stan Lee never worked for a newspaper.  He worked for a comic company.  Are they trying to say that the Daily Bugle is a comic company?

Villains:  Vulture is the wrong color and they explained his origin all wrong.  He never worked for Osborn and he didn't get his name because Osborn called him a buzzard but then he forgot and called himself the Vulture.  He just called himself that because it was a good name.  The Enforcers looked different than they do in the comics.  They shouldn't be wearing wet suits.  Fancy Dan barely did anything fancy.  Then they show Electro and he works for Connors, too?  No!!!!  Electro's costume is all wrong, too!  And his origin is wrong, too, of course.  He should've been an electric company worker that was repairing some faulty wires.

Sweepstakes:  I paid attention to every single villain Spider-Man caught, so I could enter the sweepstakes on the KidsWB website.  Then I see that only kids age 5-12 are eligible?  WTF

Continuity rating:  ZERO!
12th-Jan-2008 05:02 pm - Fun with Sue Grafton
Disclaimer: This entry's not about comic books, but it is about books and a bookstore. Comics can be purchased in bookstores, so I think this is still relevant.

I noticed recently that they put all of Sue Grafton's books back in print as mass market paperbacks. Her books are those A is for Alibi ones you've seen in stores for the past few decades. The Barnes & Noble stores I've gone to recently had them all in stock, which makes for some good fun. They've only got through S in paperback (T just came out in hardcover), and that does limit the fun a bit. Still...

Click to see other fun stuff you can do...Collapse )
3rd-Jan-2008 06:21 pm - Spider-Man: Brand New Day Preview
Marvel released preview pages from Amazing Spider-Man #546, the first part of the Brand New Day storyline, which comes out on January 9th.

Here's a highlight:

30th-Dec-2007 08:28 pm - Spider-Man - One More Day pt. 4 *CRY*
It's a sad day for Spider-Man fans this week.  Joe Quesada basically killed off our favorite character!!

 Click for larger version.<-- Click for larger image
29th-Dec-2007 03:51 pm - Transformer *SECRET*
I was home for Christmas this week and went digging through my old toys looking for this Transformer.  It's a Constructicon.  I don't remember his name.  He has a secret, though, and I haven't seen it discussed anywhere else on the internet (I could be wrong, but I did a few Google searches and came up dry).  What is his secret?

Click here to discover his secret...Collapse )
15th-Aug-2007 04:52 pm - 10 Favorite Comic Covers
CBG does this ever month. They bring in some guy (I've never seen a woman featured) and he picks out ten of his favorite comic book covers of all time. We thought we'd steal their idea and show you guys our ten favorite comic book covers. Here they are, in no particular order.

(Sorry, it is a little Marvel-centric)

Read more...Collapse )
11th-Jun-2007 11:24 am - Upcoming Marvel Essentials?
If you could publish a book that would make you a million-billion dollars, but you didn't publish it, that would make you a fool, right? Well, I don't see any of the following Essential volumes currently on the shelves. Logically, that makes Marvel a fool (or a company full of fools, though, I suppose that isn't really fair since most of them don't have a say in which Essentials get published)!!!! And you know who hates fools?

Click here to find out who hates fools...Collapse )
11th-Jun-2007 11:18 am - Random Photoshops & Misogyny
I've been learning how to use Photoshop and (after being mocked for not doing this already) figured I should post some of the stuff I've created.  Some of this was used in discussions of the recent increase in misogynistic Mary Jane statues and tentacle rape covers.

I started out simple with a parody of those Batman boner panels from superdickery.com.

11th-Jun-2007 11:14 am - Krak Attack!
I found this funny panel in Ms. Marvel #16.

Why is this funny?  I'll explain.

Explanation for funniness of panel shown above:  Ms. Marvel is karate chopping (her term) Tiger Shark right in the buttcrack!  And the sound effect is KRAK!!!!  Boy, I bet Tiger Shark wishes he had some vague, undefined, omniscient Seventh Sense, so he could've known to move his buttcrack out of the way!  OUCH!
4th-May-2007 10:57 pm - Top 3 Spider-Man 3 Cameos

It’s been a long however many years, but Spider-Man 3 finally opened today!  It was a pretty awesome movie, if I do say so myself.  It reminded me how important it is to stop crime, but it also reminded me of my Spider-Man 3 Speculation entry. 

I was right about the Gwen Stacy and Willie Lumpkin cameos, but I wasn’t right about any of the others (except maybe Eternity).  I thought it would be nice, instead of just writing a review, to name my top 3 favorite cameos from Spider-Man 3!


Are you ready for the biggest comic book scandal of the year?  This story is SO BIG that Rich Johnston of Lying in the Gutters fame REFUSED to run the story!  I assume he was scared!

Look which Marvel employee we spotted buying DC comics for half-off cover price!

We're hiding his identity in the photo to protect his job, but we will offer the following clue:

"I nearly cried out 'jiminy' when I realized that this Marvel employee, seen here buying DC Comics for half-off cover price, would make an excellent Mondo Marvel Panel MC considering his can-do spirit 'n enthusiasm."

Figure it out yet?  No?  Think about it.

Stay tuned for a more complete photo report on this year's Wizard World LA (and maybe a report about last summer's San Diego Comic-Con)!
21st-Dec-2006 06:37 pm - Superboy Prime Hates Jews
Looks like Superboy punched away two days of Jewish miracles.

He also turned the menorah into a Christmas decoration.

(from 52 Week 33)

HBO and DC Comics recently announced that the critically-liked series Preacher will be adapted into an HBO miniseries.  This is great news, right?  I’m ecstatic with happiness, right?  WRONG!  This ruins everything, and I’ll explain why.

12th-Sep-2006 10:07 am - Foolkiller Returns (in a comic book)!
Fools beware (I'm looking at you, Osama!) because the Foolkiller is BACK!  According to a new Marvel Press Release, he's returning in a new Marvel MAX miniseries written by some guy that wrote some books that no one read.  Awesome to the MAX (MAX refers to the Marvel imprint and not some sort of maximum value of awesome, which would be absurd and, frankly, impossible.)

Foolkiller - Best-selling author Gregg Hurwitz oversees the return of a long-missing character in the pages of Foolkiller. Hurwitz, the author of best-selling novels The Kill Clause (currently being optioned by Paramount Pictures), Minutes to Burn, and Trouble Shooter, oversees the return of this oft-requested character.
15th-Jul-2006 06:08 pm - Photos - Comic-Con 2005

The San Diego Comic-Con starts this Thursday, so I thought it would be appropriate to take a strole down memory lane and look at some photos from last year’s convention. These are exclusive to TDN and have never been seen before.

5th-Jun-2006 11:55 pm - Preemptive Parody of Lost Girls

It isn't hitting the shelves until August, but thanks to Rich Johnston, it seems like we've already read and jerked off to Alan Moore's new porno epic, Lost Girls.  That makes this the perfect time to unveil TDN's newest concept - the Preemptive Parody.  This is where we parody a comic based solely on the hype and internet buzz that surrounds it. 

This particular parody also represents my first foray into adult fiction.

23rd-May-2006 10:53 pm - Sloane's Drinking Utensils
Alias ended Monday night, and Sloane was never shown using his water pitcher and glass.  I'm starting to think the toy company (Stevenson Entertainment Group - worst toy company name ever) just dreamed these accessories up.

(Credit to Albert for pointing the action figure out to me at WW:LA 2006)
20th-May-2006 02:18 pm - Water Blast Iceman
I don't think the folks at Toy Biz understand Iceman's powers.
Greetings, fool-lovers and fool-haters.  It's the Foolkiller here to flaunt another facilitator of foolishly fallacious facts.  The fine fools in Marvel's Trade Paperback Department recently announced the upcoming publication of the classic Spider-Man story Kraven's Last Hunt in their foolish "Premiere Hardcover" format (a.k.a. foolmat).

Written by J.M. DEMATTEIS, Penciled by MIKE ZECK, Cover by MIKE ZECK
Writer J.M. DeMatteis and artist Mike Zeck craft the ultimate tale of revenge in this groundbreaking and legendary collection! Kraven the Hunter has stalked and killed every animal known to man. But there is one beast that has eluded him. One quarry that has mocked him at every turn: the wall-crawling web-slinger known as Spider-Man. And to prove that he is the hero’s master, he will pull on his costume and become him...after he shoots and buries him six feet under! Collects WEB OF SPIDER-MAN #32-33, AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #393-394 and SPECTACULAR SPIDER-MAN #131-132.
160 PGS./Rated T+ ...$19.99, ISBN: 0-7851-2330-X, Trim size: standard
Shipping August 2006

What they failed to do, however, was look up the word "premiere" in the dictionary.  I'll do it for them:
pre•miere (pr-mîr, -myâr) - first in time, earliest

First, eh?  How can it be the first hardcover, when the Foolkiller himself owns a copy of the true premiere hardcover published way back in 1989 when I was known as Li'l Fooly and was barely able to punch fools.

Don't believe me?  Fool...

                (New Fool Edition)                     (Original Non-Fool Edition)

What have we learned today?  Let's look up Marvel's TPB Department in my Foolctionary.  Well... what do you know:

Marvel's TPB Department - FOOLS!

Which, thus, makes them prey for...


(that's me)
15th-May-2006 11:36 pm - Joe Quesada Noticed Us
On his very own message board, Joe Quesada himself, the Editor-in-Chief of Marvel Comics, noticed this website! Joe said,  "Foolkiller’s blog made me laugh"  You know what that means, oh humble fans?  It means we're better than you!  You're nothing!  Worthless!  Not even scum sucks your dick!!

And since we're talking about being noticed, Joe Quesada isn't the only one who has noticed us.  No, not any other famous people, but normal people have been talking!  Here's some recent praise for some of our more popular items:

Joe Quesada...FOOL!
  • Please tell me this is a parody column.
  • That one made me laugh.
  • God I hate spider-man.
  • Peter and MJ should totally engage in a threesome.
  • I checked it out... happy now??
  • I think I agree with that guy overall, except that I don't think I'd call Quesada a fool just for holding a certain opinion on the storytelling potential of Spider-Man's marriage.
  • That was pretty damn funny.
Spider-Man 3 Speculation
  • I like that website.
  • Why did they put Gwen as a cameo when it's already been reported that she's in the film as a supporting role. I'd imagine her father would follow in with her.
  • Yeah, Gwen Stacy was cast a long time ago.
Review - Daredevil #82 - 1st Brubaker & Lark Issue
  • Uh, that review sucks. Fucking emoticons everywhere, it looks like a 12 year old wrote it.
  • Fantastic.
  • I'm not familiar with the site, are they supposed to be ironic/goofy or something?  If so they forgot the comedy.
  • I like your comic strips. My friends didn't get them though.

That is SO not how I envisioned Warren Worthington II.
11th-May-2006 10:21 pm - Review - X-Men Deadly Genesis #6
X-Men Deadly Genesis #6
by Ed (Brilliant) Brubaker, Trevor (Harness his talent and share it with the world) Hairsine, and Scott (Hold me close) Hanna

Reviewer: Tad Hopeful - He likes everything, and he has low self-esteem.

Words fail me, which is strange because usually I fail words.

I would say "Astonishing," but that would be a slight to the peerless work being done by Mssrs. Whedon and Cassaday. And I know better than to slight anyone. After what happened.

Quite simply, this is the perfect ending to the perfect mini-series. If I had to find fault with it, I suppose it would be that it reminded me of just how unperfect my own life is. But that's my own fault, and something that I need to always be mindful of. So that wasn't a fault, either, actually.

The emotions expressed by Vulcan in this comic is something I know all too well: Abandonment. Loss. Having your brothers be emotionally manipulated by a bald man with psychic powers into thinking that you aren't their brother. If I didn't know better, I'd say that this comic was the biography of my life. Of course, my life isn't important enough for anyone to take note of, so it was actually really about Vulcan.

Seeing Krakoa, The Living Island was sort of...fun? It made me remember when I first read "Giant Size X-Men #1" as a young boy. When I was still full of optimism, and my father was going through only his second divorce. The days when my mother would say "I wish I had you aborted" and it still rang true, instead of being yet another ultimately hollow painful word that I have now become tragically immune to. But who am I kidding, I really should have been aborted.

However, such a fate would have denied me the one true joy of reading this comic - when Rachel Grey pulled out the living spirit of Darwin from Vulcan's prone form, it made me think that maybe I'm just living my life stuck onto the third Summers brother, and perhaps one day someone will rescue me and give me that chance to live once again. That feeling didn't last long, but it was nice while it did. I had never seen such a thing in a comic before, and apparently neither had Beast. Seeing even the good Dr. Henry "Hank" McCoy befuddled and vulnerable made him seem even more like the best friend that I never had growing up.

The funeral of Banshee was sad. The only funeral I've ever been to was when my mom killed herself. That was sad, too, because it was my fault.

The ending especially resonated with me. Seeing Scott "Slim" Summers kick Professor X out of the mansion, despite Xavier's obvious regret over his actions and everything he's done for Cyclops, was sort of a microcosm for life itself. No matter how hard you try, you will always screw up at the end, and be the victim of those more powerful than you.

I would be remiss to not mention the ads of this comic, as they were great as well. Kudos to the sales staff, and the rich, full lives they must lead. I did have a small issue with the ad for "Avatar The Last Airbender" on DVD on page 13. Why is she the last airbender? Just goes to show you that society will never truly appreciated airbenders until they're gone. And now it's too late.

Rating: Perfect
11th-May-2006 09:26 pm - Joe Quesada...FOOL!
Greetings, fools and foolettes! Forthwith, I present to you one of the most foolish fools I've encountered in recent foolsearchery! The pre-eminently potently powerful yet fantastically foolishly foolish Editor In Chief of Marvel Comics, Joe "FOOL!" Quesada!

From last Friday's Joe Friday's column on Newsarama:

"Knowing that having a child or getting divorce, annulled, separated, or widowed and all those sorts of things aren’t an option, there is not a single story of a married Peter Parker that can’t be told with a single Peter Parker. On the other hand, the exact opposite isn’t true."

FOOL! Any fool (except for Joe Quesada, apparently!) can devise that there are in fact a veritable cornucopia of stories to tell with a foolishly married Peter "FOOL!" Parker that could not be sufficiently duplicated if that fool with still a single fool. Here are but a few examples:

- Peter Parker decides to renew his wedding vows
- Peter Parker forgets his wife's anniversary
- Peter Parker receives certain tax breaks due to his legally married status
- Peter Parker finds out he wasn't actually married all along (maybe technically shouldn't count, but it worked so well on the last episode of "Mad About You"!)
- Peter Parker shops for a wedding anniversary gift
- Peter Parker enters therapy for married couples
- A family member or friend refers to Peter Parker and his wife as "newlyweds" or, later, "the happily married couple"
- Peter Parker files for divorce
- Peter Parker fathers a child that is not a bastard
- Peter Parker and his wife engage in wife-swapping at one of those parties where everyone puts their keys in a bowl when you enter
- Peter Parker and his wife go on the show "Wife Swap"
- Peter Parker and his wife go on the show "Trading Spouses

Exhilarating (if not foolish) stories, all, and I would like to see those fools at Marvel just TRY to pull them off with a single Peter Parker!

In conclusion:


Which thus, makes him ideal prey for...


(that's me)
5th-May-2006 04:33 pm - Whose Side Am I On?
Whose Side Am I On?

He kills fools.
4th-May-2006 11:13 pm - Review - Infinite Crisis #7
Infinite Crisis #7
by Geoff (rey the Giraffe) Johns, Phil (Me Up) Jimenez, and George (of the Jungle) Perez


Reviewer:  Miss Understanding - She skimmed the issue in the store while her boyfriend bought Heroclix

As the penultimate issue begins, Robin and Wonder Girl seem real upset.  Not as upset as someone surround BO-smelling losers that want to fuck you.  No, they're just sad because noise from some big superhero party is keeping Superboy up, and he's exhausted from fighting Superboy.  They're not upset for long, though, as the party gets real bloody real fast.  It seems that Lex Luthor has inviting everyone's greatest enemy!  The guest of honor is Doomsday, but Superman and Old Superman know his weak points - his glass jaw, his glass claw, and his glass balls.  KRAKK it says!  Youch!  That'll teach him to drag his girlfriend to every dirty, smelly comic store in the area looking for a "Unique" Beta Ray Bill.

Next, there's just a lot of flying.  Everyone flies and flies and flies some more, and they fight, too.  They fly so fast and so far that they end up in the Green Lantern universe, which is filled with glowing green rocks.  The Green Lanterns show up, and Superboy kills the ugly ones with his super bad breath.  Gross!  Then Superman and Old Superman push Superboy into the Sun.  They go all the way through and crash land on a Green Lantern that's so big, it looks like a planet!  How'd they find a costume that fit?  I bet its boyfriend wasn't jerk enough to say it looks fat in that costume.

More punching!!  Superman, Old Superman, and Superboy punch each other until there's blood everywhere!  Enough, guys!  We get it!  Your penises are small!  God, why can't I find a real man.  I'm so tired of being surrounded by children.  Ok, what else we got here...  Old Superman dies, and they follow that scene with lots of small panels with characters looking at stuff.  They all look about as bored as I am.

The issue ends with several interesting bits, however.  Lex Luthor is attacked by the Joker and... wait for it... a chubbier, balder Lex Luthor.  It looks like Joker's acid flower just turned him into Two-Face!  It would've been nice to see more of the new Two-Face, but instead we see Superman on a walk with Lois Lane and Bruce Wayne.  I think Lois has become the new Wonder Woman because she just jumps straight into the air into an invisible plane.  Oh, but it's not over yet!  Suddenly, every freaking character flies in out of nowhere after Superboy, who is still alive!!

And there's where it ends, just as it's getting exciting.  I can't wait until next month when I can flip through the next, final issue of Infinite Crisis and see what they do with evil Superboy.  They better not make any Heroclix out of this prick, though.

Rating:  Passed the Time
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